Side-Eye from a Saint: A Lesson in Sacred Slowness from the Icon of St. Innocent
Catch my recent essay on the Axia Women website
Hi friends! I wanted to share with you all that one of my essays was recently featured by Axia Women as part of their series on encounters with icons. Here’s an excerpt, and you can find the full essay on the Axia website.
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“I thank You, O Lord my God, that You have not rejected me, a sinner, but have made me worthy to partake…”
It has taken me years to learn to love these prayers, to learn slowness from them, to let them help me linger long enough after Liturgy so as to “not let this miracle pass by unnoticed” (from The Life of St. Macrina). And I am still learning.
The hardest part about Orthodoxy for me has never been the praying or fasting, hierarchies or histories, but the slowness. The barely moving plod of Liturgies, Lents, and, I suppose, theosis itself. The halting pace, the attentiveness it asks of me, the constant need to downshift into a kind of sacred slowness that even on my better days feels vaguely panic-inducing. By nature, I am more inclined to scramble through my days with the urgency of a fugitive, always on the run from boredom, dullness, and meaninglessness.
Once, not too long ago, I would have chafed at being asked to stay and chant these prayers or do anything delaying coffee hour (which I worry I’d trade my birthright for) any longer than necessary. What began to change me was a saint, an icon, and an experience of strangeness that continues to do its work in me.
That’s all! Have a good day :)
A lovely and timely reflection. Struggling with my own challenges with slowing down this season. Feeling driven to distraction, anything to avoid sitting quietly in a room alone. When I can push through the difficulty and do it, I never regret it. And yet, the next time rolls around and it feels like the same challenge all over again. Some helpful words from Fr. Stephen Freeman come to mind,
“If, in your day, you find it hard to draw yourself away from distractions and back to the good that lies at hand, then know that you have found that day’s spiritual struggle, the frontline of the battle and that single place where your presence and your prayers are most needed.”