Thanks for this, Nicole! I especially like what you said about the saints finding (or stalking!) you. I've felt that too, most strongly with my patron, St Maria of Paris. When I was an inquirer and wondering, during my first Holy Week, whether I could keep exploring the Church or whether I needed to go out of there now, St Maria found me in the form of an article about her life. I knew before I finished reading it both that I had to join the Church and that I had a patron. And I have felt her presence strongly on other occasions of need. Sometimes, with other saints too, a detail from their lives or a phrase from the hymnography will hit at just the right time.
Over the last few weeks I've gotten back into reading the lives daily from the OCA website and am often struck by the diversity you mentioned. For me it's a reminder that all of us too are called to be saints, each of us with our own distinct histories and qualities. Nobody else can be the saints we're called to be.
Oh yeah st Maria of Paris is a big time holy stalker! She was on my case big time after my divorce several years ago, until I finally reread her life and remembered she too had been divorced. I love her!
This is such a rich and resonant reflection—thank you. I’ve often found myself returning to the saints for reasons I couldn’t initially articulate. Now, writing about them more deeply through the lens of Christian mysticism, I’m beginning to see why. On my Substack, Desert and Fire, I explore the saints not just as moral examples, but as living witnesses to the mystical path—especially the stages of divine union as outlined by St. John of the Cross. His purgative way, that initial stripping of ego and disordered desire, is found again and again in the stories of saints who faced deep suffering, ambiguity, and what looked like failure through the world’s eyes.
What you’ve captured so well here is how saints disrupt our categories. Their lives aren’t tidy moral tales—they’re holy dissonances that push us out of abstraction and into something harder and more transformative. They don’t just tell us what holiness is—they embody it, with all the beauty and strangeness that entails. And in doing so, they remind us that divine union is not for the idealized few, but for the flawed and fiercely seeking—exactly where most of us find ourselves.
Looking forward to following your Saint Roundups. What a necessary and luminous project.
I never read the things I say I want to read, but I am so glad I opened this email today. So often I neglect, or even ignore the saints. It's not because I don't love them, they are just intimidating to me. Your comment about a performence review is spot on. I feel like I'm always caught red handed being a bad Orthodox Christian. Or even just a bad human. Life often feels like an impossible task.. but lately I've been told, "oh your should read the saints" and I always say, "I'll do that". But then I don't (bad human and all). It's seems this is another nudge in that direction. I'm very interested in your post about the divorced saints. Ive been meaning to read it. It feels strange being divorced and Orthodox. No one has really ever treated me differently, but it just feels weird.
Hey Anastasia! Welcome to the bad human club, lol. (And the divorced Orthodox club!) I can relate to your comments about feeling intimidated or ashamed, and that being a barrier to reading the lives of saints. I go through periods of that myself. What usually helps me is finding a way to read a variety of saints lives over the course of time. If I just read one saint here, another two weeks later, and so on, it's not as beneficial, because odds are it's going to be some high-minded ascetic or stylite whose lifestyle has little in common with me, and I will either feel bored or just disconnected from the saints. Trying to read one or two each day on a regular basis (maybe not literally every day, but as regularly as I can) helps, because I start to "taste the rainbow" of saints and get off the beaten path a bit. There are some podcasts out there that feature daily lives of saints, if that is helpful. I'm also hoping to start a resources page with tips and materials for people trying to make this a more regular thing, so stay tuned!
Have you ever felt a saint resist you, or heard this from someone else? For example, let’s say one listens to another’s adoration toward a specific saint. One then includes the saint, but then feels some resistance or block as if that saint is not meant for that person. I have felt that from a saint in the past. It was a very interesting feeling. I asked my priest about it and he looked at me curiously 🙃😅 so now I am curious to know if anyone has had a similar experience.
Interesting question! I did write an essay for Axia not too far back about how a saint kind of spurned me (it's called "Side-Eye from a Saint," you can google it). Me and that saint are definitely not bff or anything! But I do get the sense that he is concerned for my soul, albeit from a distance, and that's okay.
Idk saints have their personalities and priorities too, I suppose. Most saints I feel close to also happen to be the ones I'd probably get along better with in real life too. The outspoken ones, the 'misfits.' There's a spark or something there that is not there when I read just any saint's life, even the interesting ones.
I also think some saints are just... More reserved, or stern, in the way they show their love. Maybe they were even quiet or reserved in real life, too. And that may feel like distancing. When really that's just how they are in relationship. A quiet, stern, or benevolent presence we may barely notice, but praying or looking out for us in ways we don't see. As I write this I am thinking of the Ron Swanson character in Parks and Rec and idk what that says about me.( Or the saints.) 🤣
I remember reading your article when it was first posted. I love that you noticed the side eye! What a connection!
Just two weeks ago, my daughter had an interaction with an icon that I wasn't expecting. We were waiting in line for communion, and suddenly, she reached out to the icon of St. Demiana and the 40 virgins. She is 8 months old, so I was holding her, and it startled me. She just started giggling and laughing, her hands hitting the icon over and over, and I am keen to believe some of the nuns were playing with her. It was such a precious and unexpected moment from figures in an icon often overlooked. It was beautiful.
I love that you feel close to the misfit saints and that you recognize that about yourself. I think that's a pretty unique part of knowing God as well...knowing who among the saints are with you on your journey and who He has entrusted with you. I am assisting with research on saints for a colleague, and my librarian mind (I am a research librarian) became stuck on specific keywords. In two days, two very different saints found me, revealing their stories, and showing me that I need to expand my thinking. It was very cool. I love experiencing saints in these ways. It illustrates just how alive they are in Christ.
What a sweet story! I've seen a few similar interactions between children and icons, and it's always something nothing that leaves me with wonder. I once knew a four or five year old girl who in the process of venerating icons after church, always had to have a sort of hushed conversation with one of the icons (of the theotokos) to catch up on the week. She grew out of it but it was so sweet.
Keyword research of the saints have been illumining for me as well! Learning how to find certain kinds of stories by searching for obliquely related terms, like having to get to holiness through the side door or something. I love it!
Thanks for this, Nicole! I especially like what you said about the saints finding (or stalking!) you. I've felt that too, most strongly with my patron, St Maria of Paris. When I was an inquirer and wondering, during my first Holy Week, whether I could keep exploring the Church or whether I needed to go out of there now, St Maria found me in the form of an article about her life. I knew before I finished reading it both that I had to join the Church and that I had a patron. And I have felt her presence strongly on other occasions of need. Sometimes, with other saints too, a detail from their lives or a phrase from the hymnography will hit at just the right time.
Over the last few weeks I've gotten back into reading the lives daily from the OCA website and am often struck by the diversity you mentioned. For me it's a reminder that all of us too are called to be saints, each of us with our own distinct histories and qualities. Nobody else can be the saints we're called to be.
Oh yeah st Maria of Paris is a big time holy stalker! She was on my case big time after my divorce several years ago, until I finally reread her life and remembered she too had been divorced. I love her!
This is such a rich and resonant reflection—thank you. I’ve often found myself returning to the saints for reasons I couldn’t initially articulate. Now, writing about them more deeply through the lens of Christian mysticism, I’m beginning to see why. On my Substack, Desert and Fire, I explore the saints not just as moral examples, but as living witnesses to the mystical path—especially the stages of divine union as outlined by St. John of the Cross. His purgative way, that initial stripping of ego and disordered desire, is found again and again in the stories of saints who faced deep suffering, ambiguity, and what looked like failure through the world’s eyes.
What you’ve captured so well here is how saints disrupt our categories. Their lives aren’t tidy moral tales—they’re holy dissonances that push us out of abstraction and into something harder and more transformative. They don’t just tell us what holiness is—they embody it, with all the beauty and strangeness that entails. And in doing so, they remind us that divine union is not for the idealized few, but for the flawed and fiercely seeking—exactly where most of us find ourselves.
Looking forward to following your Saint Roundups. What a necessary and luminous project.
The Saints are our elder brothers and sisters who represent for us what we have the potential to become.
https://substack.com/@stevenberger/note/c-96141687?r=1nm0v2
I never read the things I say I want to read, but I am so glad I opened this email today. So often I neglect, or even ignore the saints. It's not because I don't love them, they are just intimidating to me. Your comment about a performence review is spot on. I feel like I'm always caught red handed being a bad Orthodox Christian. Or even just a bad human. Life often feels like an impossible task.. but lately I've been told, "oh your should read the saints" and I always say, "I'll do that". But then I don't (bad human and all). It's seems this is another nudge in that direction. I'm very interested in your post about the divorced saints. Ive been meaning to read it. It feels strange being divorced and Orthodox. No one has really ever treated me differently, but it just feels weird.
Anyway, thanks for being you, as always!
Hey Anastasia! Welcome to the bad human club, lol. (And the divorced Orthodox club!) I can relate to your comments about feeling intimidated or ashamed, and that being a barrier to reading the lives of saints. I go through periods of that myself. What usually helps me is finding a way to read a variety of saints lives over the course of time. If I just read one saint here, another two weeks later, and so on, it's not as beneficial, because odds are it's going to be some high-minded ascetic or stylite whose lifestyle has little in common with me, and I will either feel bored or just disconnected from the saints. Trying to read one or two each day on a regular basis (maybe not literally every day, but as regularly as I can) helps, because I start to "taste the rainbow" of saints and get off the beaten path a bit. There are some podcasts out there that feature daily lives of saints, if that is helpful. I'm also hoping to start a resources page with tips and materials for people trying to make this a more regular thing, so stay tuned!
Have you ever felt a saint resist you, or heard this from someone else? For example, let’s say one listens to another’s adoration toward a specific saint. One then includes the saint, but then feels some resistance or block as if that saint is not meant for that person. I have felt that from a saint in the past. It was a very interesting feeling. I asked my priest about it and he looked at me curiously 🙃😅 so now I am curious to know if anyone has had a similar experience.
Interesting question! I did write an essay for Axia not too far back about how a saint kind of spurned me (it's called "Side-Eye from a Saint," you can google it). Me and that saint are definitely not bff or anything! But I do get the sense that he is concerned for my soul, albeit from a distance, and that's okay.
Idk saints have their personalities and priorities too, I suppose. Most saints I feel close to also happen to be the ones I'd probably get along better with in real life too. The outspoken ones, the 'misfits.' There's a spark or something there that is not there when I read just any saint's life, even the interesting ones.
I also think some saints are just... More reserved, or stern, in the way they show their love. Maybe they were even quiet or reserved in real life, too. And that may feel like distancing. When really that's just how they are in relationship. A quiet, stern, or benevolent presence we may barely notice, but praying or looking out for us in ways we don't see. As I write this I am thinking of the Ron Swanson character in Parks and Rec and idk what that says about me.( Or the saints.) 🤣
I remember reading your article when it was first posted. I love that you noticed the side eye! What a connection!
Just two weeks ago, my daughter had an interaction with an icon that I wasn't expecting. We were waiting in line for communion, and suddenly, she reached out to the icon of St. Demiana and the 40 virgins. She is 8 months old, so I was holding her, and it startled me. She just started giggling and laughing, her hands hitting the icon over and over, and I am keen to believe some of the nuns were playing with her. It was such a precious and unexpected moment from figures in an icon often overlooked. It was beautiful.
I love that you feel close to the misfit saints and that you recognize that about yourself. I think that's a pretty unique part of knowing God as well...knowing who among the saints are with you on your journey and who He has entrusted with you. I am assisting with research on saints for a colleague, and my librarian mind (I am a research librarian) became stuck on specific keywords. In two days, two very different saints found me, revealing their stories, and showing me that I need to expand my thinking. It was very cool. I love experiencing saints in these ways. It illustrates just how alive they are in Christ.
Thank you for your response back to my question!
What a sweet story! I've seen a few similar interactions between children and icons, and it's always something nothing that leaves me with wonder. I once knew a four or five year old girl who in the process of venerating icons after church, always had to have a sort of hushed conversation with one of the icons (of the theotokos) to catch up on the week. She grew out of it but it was so sweet.
Keyword research of the saints have been illumining for me as well! Learning how to find certain kinds of stories by searching for obliquely related terms, like having to get to holiness through the side door or something. I love it!
Oh I love that! I hope she grows back into that beautiful act because conversations with icons are the best.
I also love your perspective - holiness through the side door!