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Feeble_Stirrings's avatar

This makes me reflect on how often I've had to come back to those simple, yet profound, words: "Be still and know that I am God". My inclinations almost always lie in the other direction of busyness and distraction.

My major encounter with burnout came when I was living overseas as a missionary (4 years). It was during this time that I encountered the Orthodox Church for the first time. As a zealous Protestant/Evangelical, it threw a major wrench into a lot of my unevaluated presuppositions. This kicked off a frenetic deep dive into Church history, theology, the Church Fathers and other Orthodox writings. I devoured anything I could get my hands on, in a search for apodictic certainty on which way to go, all whilst still leading small groups on extended trips to other countries and doing the work of a missionary. This proved a fools errand, but ultimately lead to me leaving the mission field in a very dark and confused place and collapsing into a complete lack of involvement in anything related to Christianity or church for about 5 years. I did eventual enter the Church, but it took me 10 years of wandering in the wilderness. I don't have any grand words of wisdom as I don't think I handled my situation well. Perhaps only that (and it doesn't sound like this applies to you) any kind of rest, recovery, regrouping etc. cannot extend to the life of prayer and involvement in the Church. I'm firmly convinced "I need a break from prayer" is never the right answer. Maybe our prayer changes, and is sometimes nothing more than lighting a candle and sitting in front of an icon for 15 minutes in absolute quiet. To stop praying, though, is to stop breathing; it is to die spiritually. Even if all we can manage are tiny gasps. In the words of Elder Arsenie Papacioc (who suffered unimaginably in the Romania gulags):

"Don't give up! No matter how little you are, no matter how tired, you mustn't give up. For, I repeat, no misfortune means anything. Nothing is lost as long as faith is established, the soul doesn't surrender, and you raise you head again! God forbid that you be sad! don't be afraid!"

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Natalie Kuchta's avatar

Thank you. Hope to join you with "Safer Goals."

Natalie Kuchta

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