This makes me reflect on how often I've had to come back to those simple, yet profound, words: "Be still and know that I am God". My inclinations almost always lie in the other direction of busyness and distraction.
My major encounter with burnout came when I was living overseas as a missionary (4 years). It was during this time that I encountered the Orthodox Church for the first time. As a zealous Protestant/Evangelical, it threw a major wrench into a lot of my unevaluated presuppositions. This kicked off a frenetic deep dive into Church history, theology, the Church Fathers and other Orthodox writings. I devoured anything I could get my hands on, in a search for apodictic certainty on which way to go, all whilst still leading small groups on extended trips to other countries and doing the work of a missionary. This proved a fools errand, but ultimately lead to me leaving the mission field in a very dark and confused place and collapsing into a complete lack of involvement in anything related to Christianity or church for about 5 years. I did eventual enter the Church, but it took me 10 years of wandering in the wilderness. I don't have any grand words of wisdom as I don't think I handled my situation well. Perhaps only that (and it doesn't sound like this applies to you) any kind of rest, recovery, regrouping etc. cannot extend to the life of prayer and involvement in the Church. I'm firmly convinced "I need a break from prayer" is never the right answer. Maybe our prayer changes, and is sometimes nothing more than lighting a candle and sitting in front of an icon for 15 minutes in absolute quiet. To stop praying, though, is to stop breathing; it is to die spiritually. Even if all we can manage are tiny gasps. In the words of Elder Arsenie Papacioc (who suffered unimaginably in the Romania gulags):
"Don't give up! No matter how little you are, no matter how tired, you mustn't give up. For, I repeat, no misfortune means anything. Nothing is lost as long as faith is established, the soul doesn't surrender, and you raise you head again! God forbid that you be sad! don't be afraid!"
Thanks for sharing your story and thoughts about burnout, especially spiritual burnout! I can relate to the years of wandering. I also think the mission field can be a particularly treacherous minefield, emotionally and spiritually. I was briefly interested in becoming a missionary as a young adult my first years of college--in my evangelical days. A pastor at the time recommended I get to know a few seasoned missionaries to better understand the work/vocation. One older couple who had spent decades in missions in rural Mexico had a very sobering conversation with me. They told me at the time that if I at all felt called to the foreign mission field, one of the best things I could do was to find a good therapist to help me better understand myself and any wounds I may carry. They didn't know me at all, it was just their standard advice. As they put it, the mission field puts stress on everyone, and what appear to be hairline fractures elsewhere turn into tectonic fault lines the more you are ministering to others. I've always remembered that conversation. In a fairly fundamentalist circle, they were some of the only people I met who openly advocated people in ministry having access to mental health support.
I think God grants everyone a unique path through their burnout and dark nights. I completely understand the idea that resting even from prayer, for some, could ultimately be destructive. That said... I know many for whom even standing in front of an icon brings up too many old wounds, or causes too much distress, to be fruitful. I'm comforted by the fact that God can find us where we are, whatever prayer looks or doesn't look like.
You might want to check out Team for the Soul; founded by Ioana Popa and her husband Sebastien. Great stuff for christian leaders and avoiding burnout.
This makes me reflect on how often I've had to come back to those simple, yet profound, words: "Be still and know that I am God". My inclinations almost always lie in the other direction of busyness and distraction.
My major encounter with burnout came when I was living overseas as a missionary (4 years). It was during this time that I encountered the Orthodox Church for the first time. As a zealous Protestant/Evangelical, it threw a major wrench into a lot of my unevaluated presuppositions. This kicked off a frenetic deep dive into Church history, theology, the Church Fathers and other Orthodox writings. I devoured anything I could get my hands on, in a search for apodictic certainty on which way to go, all whilst still leading small groups on extended trips to other countries and doing the work of a missionary. This proved a fools errand, but ultimately lead to me leaving the mission field in a very dark and confused place and collapsing into a complete lack of involvement in anything related to Christianity or church for about 5 years. I did eventual enter the Church, but it took me 10 years of wandering in the wilderness. I don't have any grand words of wisdom as I don't think I handled my situation well. Perhaps only that (and it doesn't sound like this applies to you) any kind of rest, recovery, regrouping etc. cannot extend to the life of prayer and involvement in the Church. I'm firmly convinced "I need a break from prayer" is never the right answer. Maybe our prayer changes, and is sometimes nothing more than lighting a candle and sitting in front of an icon for 15 minutes in absolute quiet. To stop praying, though, is to stop breathing; it is to die spiritually. Even if all we can manage are tiny gasps. In the words of Elder Arsenie Papacioc (who suffered unimaginably in the Romania gulags):
"Don't give up! No matter how little you are, no matter how tired, you mustn't give up. For, I repeat, no misfortune means anything. Nothing is lost as long as faith is established, the soul doesn't surrender, and you raise you head again! God forbid that you be sad! don't be afraid!"
Thanks for sharing your story and thoughts about burnout, especially spiritual burnout! I can relate to the years of wandering. I also think the mission field can be a particularly treacherous minefield, emotionally and spiritually. I was briefly interested in becoming a missionary as a young adult my first years of college--in my evangelical days. A pastor at the time recommended I get to know a few seasoned missionaries to better understand the work/vocation. One older couple who had spent decades in missions in rural Mexico had a very sobering conversation with me. They told me at the time that if I at all felt called to the foreign mission field, one of the best things I could do was to find a good therapist to help me better understand myself and any wounds I may carry. They didn't know me at all, it was just their standard advice. As they put it, the mission field puts stress on everyone, and what appear to be hairline fractures elsewhere turn into tectonic fault lines the more you are ministering to others. I've always remembered that conversation. In a fairly fundamentalist circle, they were some of the only people I met who openly advocated people in ministry having access to mental health support.
I think God grants everyone a unique path through their burnout and dark nights. I completely understand the idea that resting even from prayer, for some, could ultimately be destructive. That said... I know many for whom even standing in front of an icon brings up too many old wounds, or causes too much distress, to be fruitful. I'm comforted by the fact that God can find us where we are, whatever prayer looks or doesn't look like.
That was some excellent advice from that missionary couple. I probably could have used that before I ventured out!
Thank you for sharing. I have a similar journey from Protestant to Orthodoxy... A long process...
Love this: "lighting a candle and sitting in front of an icon for 15 minutes in absolute quiet...."
This is the best prayer.
Thank you. Hope to join you with "Safer Goals."
Natalie Kuchta
That would be wonderful, Natalie!
Good substack.
You might want to check out Team for the Soul; founded by Ioana Popa and her husband Sebastien. Great stuff for christian leaders and avoiding burnout.
Btw, they are Orthodox. She in particular has an amazing story. I just love them.